Jeff Crunch: Statting Grendel

by Jeff Harris


Grendel         
male half-thawn cave creature troll barbarian 2
Description: Grendel is a twisted and awful creature to behold.  The blood of thawn, hag, and troll mixing do little to make him physically beautiful to any.  His body is malformed and lop sided, however his miss treatment and the rage it fuels make him terribly strong and resilient.  His massive hands end in jagged claws, and sharp fangs unevenly fill a maw that suffers a severe under bite.  Grendel wears little more than a tattered loin cloth and uses a filthy moth eaten quilt as a cloak.                                                                                                                                          


Grendel CR 6
NE Large humanoid (giant, cave creature, troll, thawn)
Init +2; Senses blindsight 60 ft., darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent; Perception +6
Aura Repulsive appearance 30 ft.
===== Defense =====
AC 16, touch 11, flat-footed 16; (Dex +2, natural +7, size -1)
hp 81 (4d8+28, 2d12+15); regeneration 2 (acid and fire)
Fort 14, Ref 3, Will 2
Defensive Abilities uncanny dodge
===== Offense =====
Spd 40 ft., Climb 20 ft.
Melee Claws +14/+14 (1d8+8), Bite +12 (1d4+4)
Ranged Rock +6 (1d6+8), 
Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Special Attacks Rage 11 rounds/day, Rend (1d8+12)
===== Tactics =====
Before Combat Grendel always attacks at night, and uses the dark to pick off individuals.  Grendel seeks to use his unusual stealth to separate his target from help.
During Combat Grendel always enters rage on the first round of combat, and then targets the unfortunate soul whom he has stalked and hopefully cut off from aid.  Grendel attempts to kill targets one at a time, if attacked by more than one foe, he rips chunks from the walls or hurls furniture or other objects as missiles to keep multiple foes at bay.  If in melee with more than one foe Grendel uses his knockdown rage power.
Morale Normally Grendel fights to the death, however if he fails two consecutive saves when shown his own reflection, he flees regardless of the progress of the battle.
Base Statistics Grendel’s base statistics have been modified to reflect the effects of the barbarian rage class ability. Normally Grendel has Strength 22, Constitution 20, AC 18, and Will +0
===== Statistics =====
Str 26, Dex 14, Con 24, Int 6, Wis 8, Cha 4
Base Atk +5; CMB +14 CMD 26
Feats Stealthy, Multi-attack, Nightstalker.
Skills Acrobatics +6, Climb +12, Perception +6, Stealth +6 (+12 in shadows or darkness), Survival +3, Swim +12
Languages Giant
SQ fast movement, knockdown (rage power), light blindness, silent hunter,  
Other Gear: Golden dragon mead horn.

===== Special Abilities =====
Repulsive appearance (Ex): Grendel finds his appearance disturbing as do other intelligent begins whether out of revulsion or pity. As such, Grendel wears a heavy cloak or otherwise obscures his countenances when not engaged in combat. All creatures with an intelligence of 1 or greater within 30 feet of Grendel must make a DC 15 Will save or be sickened for 1 round. This repulsion is all the more severe when Grendel sees his own reflection. Should Grendel be confronted with his own reflection (such as being presented with a mirror) he must make a DC 15 Will save or be sickened for 1d4+1 rounds.  However at the end of this effect if Grendel is still conscious he will automatically go enraged even if he has exhausted his total rounds of barbarian rage for the day.  If this is the case then the rage lasts 1d4+1 rounds.

Blindsight (Ex): A cave creature can discern objects and creatures within 60 feet regardless of concealment. It usually does not need to make Perception checks to notice creatures within range of its blindsight. A silence spell negates this ability and forces the cave creature to rely on the base creature’s senses.

Light Blindness (Ex): When abruptly exposed to bright light (such a lightning bolt in a dark room), a cave creature is blinded for 1 round. When operating in an area of continual bright light (such as daylight or a daylight spell), the cave creature takes a –1 circumstance penalty on all attack rolls, saves, and checks.

Dear Gorm: The sleepless headmen

by Jeff Harris

 

Disclaimer: Gormie is a Dwarven barbarian and advice colunmist. The publishers of this blog do not condone voilence nor do weaccept any liability for the advice offered here. This content is for entertainment purposes so if you push all your negative emotions deep down into a black ball of rage and release it at an inappropriate time please be aware we do not accept liability.

 

 

 

 

Dear Gorm,

I live in downstairs division of a house with two apartments. For years this has been a wonderful place to live, the rent is affordable and the landlord even provides freshly chopped wood to heat my home in the winter as part of the rent!

Unfortunately, the really attractive half elf that used to live upstairs moved out and a hearing impaired Ettin hermaphrodite moved in. The two heads are male and female.

One would think that a deaf Ettin would eb a quiet neighbor but that has not proven the case. The Ettin plod around stomping. The Ettin sings loud and tunless music saying it like "the beats" what ever that means. The Ettin argues with itself, which somehow still consists of screaming and stomping about.

More disturbingly the Ettin sometimes makes noises that I have come to recognize as sex. Thee noises are primal and loud and beyond strange.

I don't want to move, I want the Ettin to either leave or at least learn some consideration. I have tried polite but firm notes. I have had an interpreter do sign language and had conversations. I've tried the landlord, I've even summoned the watch when they were disturbing the peace too late at night. None of it is working; the two heads don't get along and when they argue it doesn't matter who suffers for it, at all hours.

I have been sharpening my axe and pondering an amputation, perhaps with one head gone I can tolorate the other. What should I do Gorm?

The Sleepless Headsmen

 

Dear Sleepless Headsman,

                After reading your letter lad, I had to do me some serous thinking.  Now mind you, normally ol’ Gormie would tell you to unleash all your balled up rage and just burry that axe in its/his/her skull and be done with it. 

                But you sound like a nice lad, and we don’t want you ending up breaking rock for life or meeting an axe yourself in the town square.  So here’s a few ways that I’m for thinking you can take back your kip. 

                First you can try and hire yourself a drum beating bard, and when that shrieking the ettin calls singing starts up, you have that bard wail out the loudest most obnoxious tune he knows.  Because you know the secret here is lad, it’s fighting noise with even more annoying noise.  Hopefully if you have that there bard keep up the tune, the ettin will eventually get the picture and leave off with the clamor.

                However, ol’ Gormie knows a thing or two about giants, and because an ettin is two giants all at once, the percussion counter attack might not be enough.  So here’s plan number two, which I like to call kilt-atrocity.  Now, mind you, this course o’ action is not for the faint of heart or bashful.  Because what you do is first, every time you see that ettin coming or going from his kip you make sure to be there, wearing that kilt and nothing else.  Leave your broadsheets outside the door till it/he/she appears, then go and pick up your broadsheet, making sure to give the ettin a good view of your naked as the day you were born ass.  Even better lad, make exquses to go up to the ettin’s kip, and ask to barrow a cup of goat milk or some salt, again, wearing naught but your kilt.  Hopefully the ettin will be so disturbed by all that hairy man flesh that it/he/she will move out.

                Now, if that don’t work, then there’s one last trick you can try, but a warning to the paladin-like, it’s not something all folk are usually willing to do.  Your letter said that, ugh, the ettin likes to do the slippery naughty loudly, thus you are going to fight fire with fire.  You will need to rent yourself the most wanton and willing doxies that the docks have to offer, and bring one home every night.  Try to make sure that the ettin sees you coming home with the trollop, and is home to feel you put that twenty gold you paid her to good use, I mean really get that headboard banging.  Do this for several weeks, all the while bring home a new lady of the evening every evening.  And to add to the ruse, what you will also do is after each coin girl leaves, take yourself an ugly colored candle and drip some wax on your arms and legs.  The little blobs look allot like plague boils, which you will want to make sure the ettin also sees, hell, even pick a few off and let them bleed a little.

                Well, there you have it, three ways to get rid of one two-headed headache.  Oh, and should all three of my fine plots fail, you can always just smear the critter with peanut butter while it sleeps and let all the stray mutts have a go, but you didn’t hear that from me.  Best o’ lucky with your giant slaying.

                                                                                                                                                                Keep your axe sharp,

                                                                                                                                Gorm “Gormie” Mountainchewer

Dear Gormie: An Angry Gamer Sandwich

(by Jeff Harris channeling his character)

 

In the fine tradition of Dear Abbie and Anne Landers, we at The Flying Pincushion wanted our fantasy readership to have access to good solid gaming advice for gaming problems. In an effort to provide the most grounded advice we are tapping a wise dwarven barbarian druid known as Gormie Mountainchewer. Dwarves after all are keen problem solvers, also for some reason they seem to have a little Scottish in their accents. Enjoy.

Oh and neither The Flying Pincushion nor any of its authors condone or even recommend the advise in this column. It is intended for entertainment purposes and we are not responsible for anyone dull witted enough to hurt themselves carrying out this advice… You have been warned.

Dear Gormie,

When adventuring with my two boon companions they often disagree and ruin an otherwise good time. One is a werewolf and the other a troll and they always put me in the middle of their arguments. As an Orc it’s really hard not to lose my temper and mediate between the two, what would you recommend?

I should note we rotate leadership on our adventures and it seems to be heavier when one of them is in charge then when I’m in charge. That said everybody likes to take their turn being in charge.

~GM meat in an angry gamer sandwich.

 

Dear GM meat in an angry gamer sandwich,

                I ‘m feeling your pain lad, because it gets mighty sticky in your place.  Not sure that sharing the thinking job is the best for your lot, but if that’s the way you lads do it, then that’s your rub and ol’ Gormie can’t fix that.

                So here’s what you should do, you take all the anger your friends create in you and push it WAY down inside.  Feel it as a little black ball of rage in your center of being.  And for a while every time your two” leaders” argue over this or that, you just keep adding to the ball, saving up all your bad feelings for the right time. 

                Because for sure there’s gonna come a time that your friends constant battles will go too far, and then the lads will punch out their arguments.  The trick here is lad, to make sure they have themselves their tiff at a bad time.  And then that when you let all that stocked up rage come flowing out, and you either beat both of them senseless and now you are the leader, or you save their bloody hides and then your the leader. 

                And there you’ve got it, the real point is once you shame the werewolf and taunt the troll about the womping or saving them, your tusked self will be sitting right fine as the REAL leader, you know, the toughest and smartest one, savior of your companions.

                                                                                                                                                    

Best o’ luck,

Gorm “Gormie” Mountainchewer                           



Want More? We need you letters to Gormie send them to theflyingpincushion@gmail.com